I don’t know if I have reason to be pissed off about anything or if it’s just my own need to be pissed off at something that’s making me think this way. But I’ve been getting increasingly frustrated with the organization I’m supposed to go to Africa with. I’ve told them countless times that I can’t stay here beyond August since I don’t have a place to live and I can’t just exist in limbo, awaiting the unknown while they get stuff ready for me to go. By this time, for a summer departure, I should already be looking at getting my visa in place, my immunizations done and all that other great stuff that needs to be done in advance. I’ve also been thinking that maybe they weren’t the best people to go with. If I got ‘established’ somewhere (and by that I mean not itching to leave ASAP) I can get involved with a local Red Cross or other such organizations and after a while do something with them. And that might be more my speed.
Which leaves me once again treading upon the unknown path. I know for sure that I do not want to work a 9-5 job and that I want to go somewhere new. Considering how cheap tickets are to Europe…..I might just be doing that. I want to discover that I am able to stand on my own two feet with no one else there to help me. I want to find out if I can support myself and I guess that in a way, I also want to find myself and going somewhere where I don’t really know anyone is generally agreed to be the best option. Plus, I just need to get away from the stagnant comforts of Canada and these cold, long winters. Everything here is padded by comforts and by the knowledge that if I fall, someone else will pick me up. Thus, I have no reason to strive for anything better and I just want to make it on my own for once in my life with no one there to support me, no one there to run to. I want to find out what I’m capable up and find out what I want out of myself.
So what you're saying is that your future may be totally up in the air too? Yay! You can join my club.
ReplyDeleteThough I was curious about what was happening with Africa... I hadn't heard you mention anything about it in a while and I had forgotten to ask about it.
Well, if you do go to Europe, stop off in Iceland first, and I'll meet you up and we'll go drinking. In the middle of the afternoon/night.
You will find your own path, never fear that. But also keep in mind that you will always have people who care for you, who will be a safety net, and that's not a bad thing- in fact it's a beautiful thing.
ReplyDeleteI think you know that I'm one of those people who on more than one occasion left everything they knew behind to follow a 'something'.
It may not have been Africa but it was still a voyage of my own into the unknown.
There was a lot of fear, and intrepidation, but also an adventure.
The one thing I promised myself is that I would never have regrets. If things didn't turn out like I planned (and once or twice they didn't) I didn't view it as failure, merely another leg of the journey.
If you must walk alone to find something about yourself, I completely understand. But just remember that you really aren't ever alone because you have friends who love you and you take a piece of them wherever you might be.